Yellowfang's Army
by Shockwave Syndrome
Summary: After hearing Tigerstar's plan to train warriors and take over the forest, Yellowfang comes up with a plan of her own: she will train four warriors to stand up and oppose him. Unfortunately, she isn't the best judge of character. Hilarity will ensue.
1. The GREAT TASK

The shaggy grey she-cat leapt down from her rock, eyes bright. Revealing yellow teeth, she paced around the line of cats that were assembled in front of her, eyeing them and sizing them up. They all held shock-still, aware that Yellowfang would have their throats in an instant.

"SPOTTEDLEAF!" yowled the grey she-cat, turning around angrily.

A tortoiseshell she-cat appeared from the nearby bushes, rolling her eyes. One of the assembled cats started to chuckle but was silence by a grim look from both StarClan cats. "Yes, Yellowfang?" asked Spottedleaf politely.

Yellowfang plopped her haunches down onto the ground and looked up at Spottedleaf petulantly. "I wanted REAL warriors, not some mouse-brained excuses for cats. Look at these scraps of fur!" she complained.

Spottedleaf sighed. "Yellowfang, I assure you that these cats are all perfectly capable warriors. Now just pick one from each Clan and be done with it. This was your idea, you know. Not mine. I just did the dream-visiting."

"Yeah, well, do it better next time!" huffed Yellowfang.

Then the grey she-cat returned to the line of cats that were waiting for her verdict. "Hmm," she said, narrowing her eyes. "You'll do."

With what seemed like careful thought and deliberation, Yellowfang picked out four cats. There was Antpelt of WindClan, his one black ear glowing like a beacon. The RiverClan cat selected was Mallownose. The light brown tabby tom sniffed and tried to wipe his runny nose with a thin paw. From ShadowClan, there was Pinepaw, the gender-changing black cat. Lastly, from ThunderClan, there was Icecloud, who won in a hotly contested battle of eenie meenie minie moe over Toadstep.

"Perfect!" proclaimed Yellowfang, looking over her choices with motherly pride.

"Is this going to be hard?" sniffled Mallownose.

Pinepaw, now a tom, sighed. "Hurry up and train me already!"

"Watch what I can do!" cried Icecloud, who took a flying leap at Antpelt - and missed.

Antpelt sat down and shuffled his paws in front of him. "Gee, my pelt is itchy," he commented. "It feels like there's bugs on it or something." The brown and black tom immediately began scratching it fervently.

"Spottedleaf!" commanded Yellowfang triumphantly, turning towards the tortoiseshell she-cat. "Begin teaching them the ways of medicine while I go find a cat to tutor them in fighting. Any suggestions?"

"Whitestorm?" offered Spottedleaf with a shrug.

"Nope. He's been forgotten," snapped Yellowfang. The white warrior had faded away moons ago.

"Lionheart?"

"Forgotten."

"Redtail?"

"Forgotten."

Spottedleaf frowned. It seemed like all of the cats she had known when she was alive were forgotten. "I don't understand," she mewed. "How come all these brave warriors have faded away? It doesn't make any sense. "

Yellowfang snorted. "The only reason you're still here is because Firestar dreams about you every night."

The tortoiseshell looked duely embarrassed. She blushed. "That's not EVERY night, Yellowfang."

"How about a WindClan cat?" suggested Antpelt with a lazy flick of his tail. The tom's eyes went wide and he immediately started scratching again, this time behind his ear. "Fox-dung!"

"Tallstar's too busy trying to get Onestar to be nice to ThunderClan," mused Yellowfang. "Deadfoot has a dead about RiverClan cats."

"Oakheart?" suggested Spottedleaf, looking at the four cats they had chosen. The others had been sent away by the StarClan medicine cats.

"Who?" they said, casting blank looks. Mallownose sniffled. Spottedleaf sighed.

"Forgotten."

"There has to be_ someone_!" growled Yellowfang, her yellow eyes glinting. "Let me think. What cat wants a chance to redeem himself more than any other cat?"

"Heavystep?" asked Spottedleaf. "I mean, he keeps dying and coming back and dying and coming back. I figure he wants something solid and real in his life, you know? Why not ask him. He must be pretty bored, stuck in limbo."

Yellowfang sighed. "That's not at all what I was thinking. I meant more like Mudclaw."

The two medicine cats turned to look at the assembled cats. Pinepaw, now a she-cat, yawned. Mallownose sniffled, Antpelt scratched at his pelt and Icecloud was off in the distance chasing a butterfly.

"Mudclaw, guys?" Yellowfang cleared her throat.

The cats turned back to look at her, frowning as they tried to remember the dark brown tabby.

"I brought you Rowanclaw, Toadfoot, Nightcloud, Gorsetail, Thornclaw, Birchfall, Reedwhisker and Minnowtail," snarled Spottedleaf, eyeing her friend with exasperation. "Yet you choose these four?"

Yellowfang shrugged. "What can I say? I have an excellent taste in character."

Spottedleaf sighed.

A cry from Pinepaw, now a tom, broke them from their thouhts. He leapt up excitedly. "Wasn't Mudclaw that crazy WindClan deputy who attacked everyone because he thought he should be leader?" he asked breathlessly.

The old grey medicine cat was about to respond when a white object crashed into her side. It was Icecloud. The warrior clambered on top of her excitedly. "Look! I did it! I killed Brokentail! Did we win, Spottedleaf?"

"Uhm, Icecloud," whimpered Mallownose. "That's not Brokentail."

Icecloud looked down and her eyes went wide in horror. The she-cat leapt off and began to apologize profusely. "I'm so sorry Yellowfang! I thought we had started the battle already! I just saw you and you looked black in the light and you know, you're kind of ugly so I assumed that you were Brokentail! I just wanted to help us win. Oh Yellowfaaaaaang, please let me stay. Please, please!"

Spottedleaf shot Yellowfang a look as if to say: _You chose her._

"_Anyways_," huffed Yellowfang pointedly as she sat up. "Mudclaw will become your mentor. Some nights you will be visited by him, or another random non-forgotten cat that we find. It's hard - no one dies anymore. BACK ON POINT. If Mudclaw doesn't visit you, Spottedleaf or I will to teach you about healing."

Pinepaw, Mallownose, and Icecloud all glanced at Spottedleaf, praying it would be her and not Yellowfang who came to visit them. Antpelt continued scratching.

"Can we go now?" sniffled Mallownose anxiously. "I promise I'll train."

Yellowfang nodded. "One moment."

Then she proceeded to cough up a large hairball. Once it was out of her system, Yellowfang sat up straight. "Pinepaw, Mallownose, Antpelt, and Icecloud. You have all been gifted with a GREAT TASK. This GREAT TASK is to stop Tigerstar from taking over THE WORLD. Can you do this?"

"Yes!" crowed Pinepaw, now a she-cat. "I will complete this GREAT TASK!"

Mallownose and Antpelt both nodded. Icecloud jumped to her feet. "I won't let you down, Yellowfang! You can count on me! I'll be standing inbetween Tigerstar and THE WORLD."

Yellowfang rolled her eyes and turned to Spottedleaf. "That's what I'm worried about," she murmured dryly.

The grey snaggle-toothed she-cat turned back to her proteges. "Go, my warriors! Practice! Fight! Learn!"

Sniffling, scratching, sauntering and sex-changing, the four chosen ones headed back to their respective Clans. The battle was on.


	2. Thornclaw Ignores Icecloud

Icecloud woke up in the morning, bursting with energy. Around her, she could feel Brackenfur and Hazeltail stir in their sleep. They might have been tired, but not her. Oh no. Today was the first day of her mission to stop Tigerstar from taking over the world.

"I won't fail you, Yellowfang!" she announced dramatically as she leapt into the clearing, her paws tearing at the dirt ground. Some of the warriors shot her odd glances, and Dustpelt rolled his eyes as he stalked past his daughter. Icecloud sniffed. It wasn't her fault that they didn't understand just how important her mission was.

She passed Thornclaw on her way to the fresh-kill pile, stopping for a moment to reflect on just how handsome the golden-brown tabby was. If Firestar didn't die soon, then the beautiful and wonderful warrior would never get a chance to be deputy. Sure, he was a little headstrong, but still. No one was perfect. Except for her.

"Icecloud!" The white she-cat heard her name being called and she turned to see Brambleclaw standing nearby. Almost tripping over her paws, Icecloud scrambled over to the deputy, head held high.

"Yes, Brambleclaw?" she asked haughtily. Excitement coursed through her. The deputy was looking at her! He had addressed her! Briefly Icecloud wondered if Yellowfang had marked her with a special mark that woud show everyone how incredibly special she was.

"I want you to go on the sunhigh patrol with Cloudtail, Birchfall, and Ivypaw," he commanded. "Cloudtail's waiting by the camp enterance. You four are to patrol the WindClan border, understood?"

Icecloud nodded eagerly. _WindClan!_ Maybe she would get a chance to talk to Antpelt. He was a nice enough tom, even if he wasn't nearly as wonderful as Thornclaw. Besides, they were supposed to complete the great task of saving the world together.

_Once I complete the GREAT TASK, Thornclaw will definately love me, _she thought. Well, that was if he didn't already. Who didn't love the amazingly gorgeous white she-cat? (Foxleap and her parents were exceptions.)

For a moment, she contemplated telling Firestar about her StarClan-sent mission. But the she-cat decided against it. He would just try to steal her glory! That Firestar, such a glory-stealer. No, she would only tell Foxleap, and Thornclaw, and possibly Cloudtail if he asked... and she would definately tell the apprentices! Then they would get her some new moss bedding!

"Ready to go?" Birchfall nudged her. The tom - her brother, right? Icecloud couldn't remember anything anymore - was padding past her. Ivypaw followed him, but she didn't look anything like her father - and she _definately_ wasn't as gorgeous as her white-furred aunt.

Icecloud nodded. "It'll be like we're patrolling as one big family... and Cloudtail. Except Cloudtail is Ivypaw's kin as well and you're doin' that thang with his daughter. It'll be fun!" She smiled encouragingly at Birchfall.

The tom's eyes widened as he cast a furtive glance at Cloudtail, who was standing by the gorse tunnel and watching them. "Icecloud, we've been over this. I'm not _doin' that thang _with Ivypaw's mother. I'm _in love._"

Icecloud rolled her eyes and was about to argue when she realized that when Thornclaw finally became her mate, she wouldn't want people doubting them either! She was in love with Thornclaw, it was true. So the white she-cat nodded solemnly. "I understand."

"Are you three coming or not?" meowed Cloudtail loudly from the camp enterance. They all scurried over towards him, Birchfall more sheepishly than the others. Cloudtail eyed the brown tabby just as a protective father might while stroking his shotgun and guarding the door.

"Lead me, Cloudtail!" exclaimed Icecloud. It was the white tom's turn to roll his eyes as he turned away.

"Follow me," he mewed, padding off into the forest as quickly as he could without leaving them behind. Ivypaw followed eagerly. Birchfall shot Icecloud an imploring glance - _don't do anything mouse-brained_- before running off with the others. Icecloud hurried after him.

She caught up to the others as they neared the WindClan border. Cloudtail was leading the patrol and Birchfall had fallen back. The two she-cats padded side by side in the middle. Ivypaw looked solemn, but Icecloud was purring wildly at everything.

"Hey Ivypaw," she greeted nonchalantly. It was hard to keep her cool when she just wanted to burst out with the good news!

"Hey," replied Ivypaw, glancing up at the older she-cat quizzically. "What's up?"

"Guess what?" Icecloud toned her voice down to an obnoxiously loud whisper that Cloudtail and Birchfall could still probably hear.

The silver and white tabby sighed and rolled her eyes. "I don't know what, Icecloud. Why don't you tell me?" she said, obviously exasperated. Unfortunately, Icecloud didn't exactly clue in to Ivypaw's mood.

"StarClan gave me a really cool secret mission that's really awesome. I'm one of four chosen cats, but I'm the most important," said Icecloud. As she talked, she missed the glimmer of interest forming in Ivypaw's eyes.

The apprentice looked down. "Really, is that so? What's this mission about?" she asked, her voice even and steady.

"Oh, it's just about saving the forest and all the Clans from the evil cat called Tigerstar who's really evil and such." Icecloud blathered on, completely unaware of the strange interest Ivypaw was taking in her words.

"That's exciting," said Ivypaw, lifting a claw to examine it. It glinted dangerously in the sunlight. "Who else was chosen by StarClan?"

"Oh..." Icecloud trailed off. Who else had been chosen? They obviously weren't as great and as exciting as her. She frowned and wracked her brain. "Uh... Uh... Sorry Ivypaw, I really don't remember at all!"

Ivypaw looked disappointed, but she shrugged it off. "Okay. Well, I'll keep your secret, Icecloud," she offered.

The white she-cat purred before running off to the stream that marked the WindClan border. There was a WindClan patrol approaching! The ThunderClan she-cat recognized Owlwhisker, Sunstrike, Boulderpaw - and yes, _Antpelt!_

She ran towards the brown and black tom, who was scratching himself. Cloudtail ran after her, but stopped at the border. "Icecloud, come back. You're trespassing!" he yowled after her, but she didn't listen.

When Antpelt saw her, his eyes went wide. "Icecloud!" he hissed. "You can't be here."

"Why not?" she asked petulantly.

The black-eared warrior sighed. "Just trust me on this one, okay? I'll meet you and the others at Fourtrees tomorrow night, how about that?"

She nodded eagerly and bounded back as the rest of the WindClan patrol caught up to the relatively young warrior. Icecloud could hear them talking but she ducked behind Birchfall as she came back to ThunderClan territory.

Cloudtail turned on her, neck fur fluffed up. "What was that about?" he hissed angrily.

Icecloud sighed. "I forgot I was a ThunderClan cat," she lied, trying to get out of talking about her secret awesome mission.

Birchfall's eyes went wide. "You _forgot_."

She nodded fervently. "I thought I was a WindClan cat. I'm really, really, sorry Cloudtail. OH. My stomach hurts. Can we go back please? Okay, I'll see you back at camp!"

With that, Icecloud ran off. Her fellow warriors didn't understand, but one day they would. One day they would see. One day, Thornclaw would love her. She was so wrapped up in these thoughts the whole patrol that she had never even noticed the calculating look in Ivypaw's eyes. Not that Icecloud was even looking for anything out of the ordinary. After all, everything was going to be_ perfect._


	3. Tea and Scones

"Come watch how I catch this fish!" The obnoxious voice of a young RiverClan tom cut into Mallownose's thoughts. He sighed and padded over to the river, where Grasspelt was showing the RiverClan apprentices how to fish.

They all admired the light brown tom, and Mallownose had to admit that he understood why. Grasspelt was young, confident, and handsome. He carried his mother's slender form, yet he walked with all the pride of a tom coming into bloom.

Beetlewhisker and Petalfur, his siblings, had also settled down to watch their brother as he instructed the apprentices. Mallownose, who had been unable to catch his own fish with all the racket, nodded to them with a sniffle as he sat at the edge of the reed bed to watch.

As Grasspelt froze and prepared to throw in a paw, Mallownose saw a grey she-cat pad up. He turned to look at her and then sheepishly dipped his head in greeting when she noticed.

Willowshine nodded a greeting to the light brown tabby before settling down to watch Grasspelt. The new warrior flashed out a paw, sending glittering water drops through the air, and suddenly there was a fish lying on the ground beside him.

"Good catch," purred the medicine cat apprentice, giving Grasspelt an appreciative lick on the cheek. Mallownose felt his blood boil. One day, he vowed, he would earn a lick like that as well.

With an undignified sniff, the brown tabby turned and left the clearing.

He hadn't recieved a dream for awhile, but Antpelt had delivered the message that they were all to meet in Fourtrees later that night. His paws itched to just run and hang out there until they came, and sniff the flowers and examine the flora and fauna.

Grasspelt just didn't understand him, and neither did Willowshine. In fact, the only cat who had ever understood him had been Sneezepaw, his beloved little brother who had died of some unknown cause between _the Fourth Apprentice _and _Fading Echoes_. (Mallownose was an avid reader, and generally spent a good two or three hours each day reading and having tea and scones, much to bewilderment of his Clanmates)

In fact, Mallownose and Sneezepaw had even shared their perputal sniffling!

But Sneezepaw had understood that the oddness of Mallownose's habits were just what made the light brown tabby special, just as how Sneezepaw had magically transformed from a tortoiseshell to a grey and white tom was what made him special.

Not even Graymist, their own mother, understood him.

Mallownose enjoyed life, even with the occasional sniffle, but he enjoyed in a far different way than his Clanmates. He enjoyed:

_- Longs walks on the beach._

_- Writing depressing poetry._

_- Listening to the piano._

_- Classifying flora and fauna._

(All of this, of course, is an illegal reproduction from Mallownose's copyrighted eharmony ad.)

Training had been horrible! He had been expected to kill all sorts of cute little critters, like... like _mice_ and _fish_ and _voles_! Oh, Mallownose broke into sniffles just thinking about it! It was why he loved Willowshine so much. She got to heal instead of kill, and he appreciated that.

Though when he had come to her with a dying chipmunk and asked her to save it, she had been less than willing.

Grasspelt always made fun of him for being too sensitive, but it wasn't Mallownose's fault that he cared so much about everything! Life was beautiful, but it was hard to believe that when some muscular tom was killing animals all over the place.

That was why Yellowfang had chosen him, right?

_Because I'm sensitive._

(Yellowfang: Haha, that's, uh, _exactly_ why I chose you. Yeah! :D )

"Mallownose?"

The brown tabby tom, who had been pushing his way through the reeds, looked up at the sound of his voice. Troutpaw was standing there, her tail crossed shyly over her paws, and her beautiful golden eyes alight with worry. Out of the many cats in the Clan, he was particularily close to her due to the fact that she was being mentored by his mother.

"Hi, Troutpaw," he replied wearily.

"What's wrong?" she asked, moving closer to him. One of the things he loved about Troutpaw was that she wasn't intimidated or put off by his sniffling. The light brown tom had told her everything in the past, including his anger about Sneezepaw's sudden mycardial infarction and coronary failue and the warrior's crush on Willowshine.

"I just... I just...I had a message from StarClan and they want me... tofighttheDarkForestbutIcan'tevenhurtafly!" he exclaimed, breaking into a fresh round of snuffling. It was true. He had once been asked to kill a tick with mouse bile and had failed miserably, instead dropping it all over his paws and trying to lick them clean.

It had taken a moon for the scent to come out.

"So you're worried that you won't be able to fight them properly?" asked Troutpaw concernedly. The pretty she-cat pressed her muzzle against Mallownose's cheek, carefully avoiding the dried crust stretching back from his nose.

Mallownose nodded wimpily, his shlumpy form collapsing onto the ground. "I'll fail everyone!" he said in despair.

Troutpaw looked thoughtful. She sat down beside him, curling her tail neatly over her paws. "Maybe you won't need to fight..." she trailed off. He could tell she had an idea, for her yellow eyes suddenly flashed with inspiration.

"There are probably over things that you can do," she suggested.

"Like what?" asked Mallownose petulantly.

"Like... well, what are you good at?" Troutpaw asked.

The tom lay there, thinking. What _was_ he good at? He was wimpy and while not exactly fat, a little plumper than the average pregnant queen. He sighed and licked his paw thoughtfully. Then, as if sent by a grizzled old hag in StarClan, it came to him.

He would make the tea!


End file.
